Finding the seashell under the sand

 STAGE 9: the people you encounter in life can all leave an impact on you, small or big, it can be a small habit you grew from a friend, it could be a book someone introduced you to, it can be your parents that never was emotionally there for you. The ones I love most, my family, they are the reasons why I laugh most of the time but also why I cry silently under my sheets. Whenever I am with them is like all my problems just disappear. It took me long enough to realize nobody's relationships with one another are perfect. But it's because of them, I sometimes feel useless and incapable to reach their expectations of me. Incapable of reaching the goals my siblings had reach before me. I am known as the dumb one in the family, the one that needs more help than the other kids. All because I can't get an A, all because I can't be as talkative, confident and extroverted as them. Of course, it was also because of them I didn't make stupid decisions at certain times, I was allowed to do silly stuff in front of them without them judging me. Well, sometimes. We aren't perfect and there are many things we can be improving on. At the moment, I'm slowly finding more parts of them that I wish to not have seen. Those 'parts' make me think they wish negatively for me, I feel as if they wish I was never born. I would look around me and wonder how things would have been if I was aborted. It seems that I can't figure what is the truth.

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