CACTI

 STAGE 8: The mind is a scary thing. It could be so imaginative but it ends up either good or bad. One day you could be the most optimistic you have ever been and the next you wanna dig in a hole and just cry. It can feel like two different people in charge of you and you can't stop either. Person A is the one that knows whats right for you and is the reason for you being happy. Person B is the one with the depressing thoughts and just wanna do everything that is wrong. Its a constant conversation with both of them in your brain as you switch looking left and right watching as they argue. It becomes hard to put on a smile not knowing if it feels right. Their your alter ego after all, so you just let them take control of you. You become unsure if you are really happy or have you just fallen further. Maybe it's just a phase?

 STAGE 7: Having someone you look up upon is apart of life. You follow them on social media, catch up on news of them and watch their livestreams. They could possibly become apart of your happiness, seeing them could brighten up your day immediately. You see what they have, their talent and beauty and you may start copying their little actions.You're happy to know about them. Its all good till it becomes toxic. They become the reason why you cry at night and start stressing out for not having what they have. You try your hardest to blend in but you are just nothing like them. You wish to have what they have while having to see a bunch of circles in a row on your instagram stories knowing that they are having fun. You wish to be included in something that is theirs and theirs only. So you stop. You unfollow the people that ruins your day, you stop watching their stories and streaks. You try your best to gradually push yourself away from them. It worked. Or so you thought. Even ...

 STAGE 6: The question people always ask themselves is always 'Whats the meaning of life?' but the question should be 'Are you living or surviving?'. The meaning of life is how you yourself interpret it, not others. You live your life for yourself because in the end it'll be just you and no one else. You have to learn to love and care for your own. Do things you want because YOU want to. Dream the dream you are living for as much as you want. Life is short and time flies just in the blink of an eye. That's where I learnt to embrace the moment. No matter sad, angry, frustrated, nervousness, happy. They wont be there for long and won't come back the same, so submerge yourself in the moment. There is no best choice in life leading you to the best ending because you never know what can life bring you. Everything starts with you and your own mindset, there is no answer to certain things except for yours. Don't be stressing over some things that you can't ...

 STAGE 5:  As it feels so perfect, you know that feeling wouldn't last. The fear still lingers around and sometimes crack open the scars on your skin. From the lessons you've learn, you know that not everything is perfect. However being in a new environment with a blank new slate is like being a new transfer kid in a unfamiliar school. Thoughts of the trauma brings back unwanted memories that makes you struggle to breathe and move on spot. But I never did let go of the bugs in me, as my indecisive brain decides what to do, I end up being stuck in the middle of the T-junction. Not knowing which path would lead me to the better ending. I either go all in or let go all of it, there is no in between. While I stand in the middle of nowhere, I block people behind me from going to their path. So they push you aside to walk pass you, causing them to leave you from the life you had with them. When I tried to hold onto them, they were just like ghost as my hands went through theirs...

 STAGE 4: The world outside is brighter than ever. Suddenly everything just feels so perfect, in fact it feels fake. Each step i took just goes so smooth. The flaws i thought i saw disappear like ash and now i realise how much good there is in everything. The trauma I once had is now just an experience i went through. Instead of meeting the flaws as i usually would, I met the good in everything. I became more empathetic towards everything and am more grateful which each moment I spend in life. I found back the spark that was missing, the ones that were there from the beginning; I threw away the eye mask that covered my eyes from seeing the things I don't need in life, the ones that caused this storm to happen. It feels like I have gained a metal armor that would protect me and heal the scars I've gained through the process and I'm now shining brighter than ever. Breathing never felt so easy as i learnt to start laughing genuinely again.

 STAGE 3: But something in you never stopped you from crawling, it can be the fear of the people you love being in pain because of you. It can be the inner strength you never knew you had in you. As i crawled, i found out that the first step comes with, yourself. It starts with loving yourself and being grateful of the things around you. But the word " be grateful" isn't just a phrase, its a whole evolution. You don't say to be grateful but instead to actually feel grateful. It can be being able to have people that care for you. as many don't have that. It could be a small thing like your body parts, be grateful you can see the beauty hidden in this world with what the universe have gifted you with, as many others don't have it. It can be the innocent animals created by the universe that know no harm of this world. "Fake it till you make it". It means to lie to yourself eventhough you may believe its not real, and slowly watch as the lie becomes the ...

 STAGE 2: You're lost in a maze you don't wanna be in. The one you walked into by following and getting led on by the people you loved best. As you continue to wander, you find more defects in the things you once loved. You realise it was not as perfect as you thought it was. You find the imperfection in yourself, wishing you were able to change it, to please others and prevent the bad to happen. You wish, you never existed. You let go of the person you were once before and is now nowhere to be found. each time you reach a dead end, you roll into a ball, letting out the emotions bottled in a plastic bottle that can't be broken and be seen by others. You shut your mouth with your hands to preventing the monsters to hear your cry for help. You're alone once again. Nobody understands, you think to yourself. Each silent cry on the bed weakens your leg each time. As your leg crumbles to the ground, you find yourself giving up. Not knowing how you led this to happen.

STAGE 1: You only wake up and get control in your life when you've reach a certain point in life where you've been through enough. It could be many little things pilling up but it also can be one big rock in your life. Our bunny brain put trust and love in others without knowing what they could do. The moment people leave, the moment they betray your trust, thats when you only see the negative in everything. You regret the actions you've made, you feel as if you're not enough for others, you've given up in yourself. The darkness covered your eyes not allowing you to see what you already have by you. You find bad in things, you change yourself for others, good or bad. Your love for others and yourself is now missing and stolen by the past. You find the things that use make you the happiest seems to makes you feel the worst instead. It may be your friends, families, hobbies, but it just doesn't make you smile like you use to. Everything you do feels forced. Each m...