Posting

Is it just me but it's so difficult to get rid of a habit or a mindset you grew up with.

I occasionally find posting online uncomfortable. To think my 12 years old self would have posted anything and everything on social media but now even posting on here have me thinking and checking and switching up multiple times. Unfortunately growing up, I've seen the shittiest things people can say about someone. How just an evidence of some all teenage boys group chat can shift my thoughts on putting myself online. 'Don't care what others think of you.' but I understand that it can be so hard to not care. The urge to belittle myself and overexplain when I try to display any parts of myself that I'm insecure about. 

What if they think, I've gain weight, that I'm not that good, or I'm pass my prime, and so many other insults and accusations that I've heard people saying behind my back, or even to the other people around me. I tell others to not give a damn cause in reality their opinions never matter and they do not truly care for you anyways, but how do you listen to your own advice?

I try building a safe space but I can't even find myself feeling safe in it.

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